Greetings!

My name is Alann Farhice. If you are reading this, it means I have already died an abrupt and unfortunate death. Otherwise, I would have wiped this diary from the face of Halnea before passing.

Either that, or you stole it. …Or you are me.

If I am dead: Friend… please show me this last kindness and fulfill my dying wish to burn this diary. Please. Burn it. With fire. Now.

If you are me: Frakk man! Stop reminiscing! Time is money!

And if you are a slimy thievely scumbag who stole my diary…  return it this instant! Do you know who I am?! I am Alann Far-freaking-hice! The man standing in the pinnacle of the world! A handsome stud of whom both men and gods are jealous of! The heartthrob of many beautiful, noble ladies and a role model for generations to come. A genius array master and spell crafter. Father of engineering!

Infidel, your luck might be even worse than mine, to have stolen my diary out of all diaries you could have stolen. I hate to break it to you but… who am I kidding, I love to break it to you – this diary contains a sophisticated array based self-destruction mechanism that will trigger if anyone other than me tries reading it. Before you can even blink, it will blow up in your face making these pages the last thing your eyes will ever see! Ha ha!

Wait…then how are you reading this?