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16 Comments on "Episode 117 – Elaru’s Practical Exam"

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Remdale
Member
Re-reading this some of it seems harsh, but I don’t mean it that way – you asked for criticism and I tried to oblige. 🙂 The only reason you see people saying it is too slow is because rather than a full release, they are reading it piecemeal. There’s also some people that don’t like a story to drag on and just want it to get to the point. I’m not one of them. 😉 I hope you won’t cut anything or change the way you write in the future because of them. I personally value the detail you put… Read more »
Remdale
Member
Sorry, that wasn’t very concise. I didn’t mean to imply you needed to change anything with Elaru, Kiel or the nature of their lopsided relationship, either. But I think one thing you could do to get Kiel out of Elaru’s shadow is to elevate a certain side of him – when Elaru came out covered in the healing potion, I believe Kiel truly shined in the best way yet. Give Kiel some scenarios where he can really impress other people with that side of him, in situations that matter, sooner rather than later. Basically, give Kiel some stronger Lelouch moments.… Read more »
Remdale
Member
I can’t help myself, I’d like to be a bit more concise on one more point. 🙂 If readers don’t feel like they care about what happens to the characters or have anything in common with them early on they may drop it there. I know you enjoy hiding tidbits, giving clues, and doing reveals – as an involved reader I definitely enjoy them too! I also know their reveals are a big part of the story. But I wish you would give the readers more connection to Kiel in the beginning. Perhaps a dream of his earlier on that… Read more »
Remdale
Member

That preview is very foreboding. Quite a partial reveal. Honestly, the very deliberate obfuscation in this chapter to the reader was frustrating and left me with a discontented feeling. Of course, maybe it was just the dry tone throughout. 🙂

G
Member

I don’t really agree that the story is moving too slowly.
It’s the first book in the series and you’re building a whole new world for us to enjoy so of course you need to spend some extra time explaining it.
Plus we are reading the chapters as you release them, so I think it makes the story progression feel slower than it actually is.

Aoto
Member
In my opinion the story has a good pace, just that some chapters include too many details and could have been cut a bit, as for the romance, they barely know each other for a week what romance? As for kiel, he is currently way too weak and elaru too op if the story goes on like this kiel will always be carried by elaru, so kiel needs some kind of power up for example learning the basics of time magic to make someone faster and slower on an entirely different lvl from accelaration(this is not my personal wish or… Read more »
asura
Member
Personally i think the story is moving slowly but whats wrong with it being slow paced? I think i prefer it slow paced then fast. Kiel and Elaru’s personalities to me have depth to them. They aren’t perfect people and have their own problems and defects that makes their interactions with each other very enjoyable. And while i want romance i can’t even see a hint of it i assume the starting line for romance will be book 2/3 so im in it for the long haul. Both of them have alot of crap to deal with they have no… Read more »
Sdarkhorse
Member
It feels very slow. I am of the opinion of show not tell. It seems like you explain a lot about the rules when it is not Kiel trying to work it out in his head about magic in the World. Also, it feels like it is almost like dragon ball z with how long some of these combats take. The dialogue is great. It just seems like you are trying to spell out the rules for the World immediately instead of letting the reader figure out the details. As long as you keep how magic works consistent through out,… Read more »
Dark
Member
I also think the stories pace is moving at an ok pace. My favorite moments are when elaru and Kiel are together and see Kiel who doesn’t trust anyone or open up to anyone start to open up to elaru. My favorite character is Kiel and looking forward to see his character grow and all though most people see him as a side character to me this is the story of his development into his heroic story. I also think I am starting to understand his character a bit since we have already seen the fire also saw what elaru… Read more »
Dark
Member

As for what I want to see is I wanna see Kiel get a strong overpowering desire to become stronger and stronger so never have to look weak or depend on anyone again

Dark
Member

I am a bit confused is the arite clan all one race or combination of both and did I miss explanation on that?

Member

I seem to remember it mentionned earlier that there was 2 branches of the family, will look at that upon rereading. Although this raises the question of how the heck would that be possible without a common ancestor since interbreeding doesn’t work. Still, yeah, the clan seems to have an argel and an elibu branch.

Member

Why do they need to share blood initially to form a clan? They can just say “our two families are now one clan”.

Member
It seems to me this all stems from the ever so slight (perceived by me?) distinctions between “Clan” and “Family”. The term “branch of the family” reminds me mostly of the traditional japanese extended family system where a “branch” is created when a non heir goes off to found his own family. ep. 97 – The Purge, 3rd to last paragraph: “the previous heir of the argel branch of the Arite family and the appointed future head of the Purge.” ep. 113 – The Last Attack: ““You want me to believe that you know nothing about the head of the… Read more »
lemontrees
Member

This sounds crazy but could Zor’s soul possibly be in Elaru’s body? That there are two souls co-existing in one body? Hence the imbalance and infinite mana pool. 😬

themotherlessgoat
Member
I am one of those people who do NOT think this story is progressing too quickly. (Let’s see how concise I can be haha ><) Yes, there's a lot of text that could probably be cut out IF you were aiming for a younger demographic, but if you're aiming for young adult (which I think you are, correct me if I'm wrong), you're on a good track. As for the romance in this story, I wasn't really expecting it to be the most prominent genre. I came for Fantasy and the way you've built everything up keeps my attention. If… Read more »
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